CPTnet
2 May 2006
CHICAGO/TORONTO: Eulogy from 22 April Memorial service for Tom Fox
[Lauri Perman, Clerk of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting of the Society of
Friends, delivered the following eulogy for CPTer Tom Fox at the 22 April
memorial service in Washington, D.C.. It has been edited for length.]
I want to begin by sharing with you parts of a letter of application that
Tom wrote in 1994. These are Tom's words: "Though the seed of this letter
was planted fourteen years ago when I attended my first meeting for worship,
it did not bear fruit until this First Day morning. I had the honor of
working with some of the young people in a First Day School class in which
we were discussing Quaker organizational structure. I heard myself saying
that the most powerful structure is not the individual Friend, rather it is
the corporate body of seekers, the Monthly Meeting.
"Jesus was very clear when he said that it was where 'several' are gathered
'in my name' that the Spirit would be born. I came to realize, that if I
truly believed this, then I must bear witness to this Truth and come to you
seeking membership in the Religious Society of Friends at Langley Hill."
Tom was born in 1951 in a small town outside Chattanooga, the only son of
older parents. His mother ensured his exposure to the arts and faith; his
father read and studied widely, a hallmark of Tom's life as an adult.
Tom began playing the clarinet in 4th or 5th grade. He met his former wife
Jan when they were teenagers playing in a regional youth orchestra. They
married in Nashville in 1972 while both were studying in the music
department at Peabody College, now part of Vanderbilt University. Before
graduation, Tom auditioned for the U.S. Marine Corps Band. As a member of
the "President's Own Band" for twenty years, Tom played at the White House
and also chose, conducted, and arranged music for small chamber ensembles.
He earned a Master's degree in Music from Catholic University.
The most important book in Tom's life, and he opened a lot of them, was the
book that opened with the birth of his children. When Tom filled out an
obituary form for Langley Hill Meeting, he answered the question, "What are
your major accomplishments and awards?" by responding "parent of two
exceptional human beings: Katherine Fox and Andrew Fox."
Tom was a very involved father, present at both births and was so excited
when his daughter Kassie was born that he called his in-laws not once, but
twice. One of Jan's favorite memories of Tom as a father is coming into
the living room when their son Andrew was about two, discovering Tom on his
hands and knees backing across the floor, with Andrew standing on Tom's back
legs and Tom going, "beep, beep."
"I'm a dump truck," he said.
Jan reports that "no one could have loved his children more" than Tom did.
Within the spiritual community of Langley Hill, Tom was intentional about
nurturing his spiritual development, reading widely and deeply from the
Bible, the Christian mystics, and other inspirational literature. In his
blog, he quotes George Fox, Gandhi, a French theologian, and the Quran.
Several Friends described him as the calmest person they knew.
In his copy of Emmet Fox's book, "The Sermon on the Mount," Tom scribbled
the Lord's Prayer in his own words. For "Thy kingdom come. Thy Will be
done," he wrote, "Your way is here in what I do and what I think."
Tom cared deeply about community in all settings. His faith was rooted and
grounded in Quaker community and he strengthened our communities with his
gentle and careful leadership style. He clerked Langley Hill Friends
Meeting, he clerked the Yearly Meeting Youth Programs Committee, and he
worked as Yearly Meeting Youth Secretary for a year.
Tom especially cared about the Young Friends community. He helped the Young
Friends build community and he had confidence in them.
One college student's favorite memory comes from having Tom as his fourth
grade teacher at Yearly Meeting:
"He told us that he would let us do whatever we wanted on the final day of
class and we told him that we wanted to drop water balloons on him from the
third story of the building. When we got to class the next morning, he had
the water balloons ready. He laid down and let us drop them on him. Even
when he was no longer our teacher, he let us come back and continue the
ritual."
Tom brought his inner guide, the Light of Christ, to shine in all settings.
In his very first Blog entry in October 2004, he writes about the need to
"stand up to evil." One of the most moving passages of Tom's blog was posted
on Christmas Day 2004, when Tom talked about having seen a landscape of
shadow and darkness, with candles burning in the darkness. He wrote, "as
the candles whose light was snuffed out ceased to burn, more candles came
into being, seemingly to build on their light."
Tom, a lifelong hiker who nourished his spirit and his Light by walking in
forests and mountains, was a tall tree in our Yearly Meeting community. His
roots were deep, his branches wide. His absence means that we all need to
grow to fill the hole in the canopy over our young people. But Tom planted
seeds in our community, and our young people are now growing up tall in the
canopy themselves. The seeds Tom planted will bear fruit in the young
people of the Baltimore Yearly Meeting. They will not grow up to be
miniature Tom Foxes. Rather, they will grow up to be wholly themselves,
wholly whom they discover God calls them to be, with a freedom born of
having been encouraged to figure out faith for themselves.
Tom will be there inside each of them, as he is inside each of us, calling
us to be faithful to our paths. The question for us is not: "How can I be
more like Tom Fox?" but "How can I be more myself? How can I be more
faithful? And what does God call me to do?"
Tom, acting out of love and humility, did not call attention to himself. By
not telling his stories, by not telling us how many times he played at the
White House, or that he once played for Leonard Bernstein, by not sharing
deeply of his life experiences, Tom has left many people feeling that they
didn't know him very well.
I believe this is a mistaken notion. What was essential about Tom was that
he was focused on the other person. His love and acceptance of others, his
exceptional listening skills, his ability to be present in the moment -
these were the essential Tom, and if you knew these, you did know Tom.
Last June, before Tom left for Iraq, a Young Friend told him that she didn't
want him to leave us. He looked at her, smiled, gave her a hug, and said,
"I'm leaving, but we have the memories, and we are here together now."
I've shared with Friends that my most vivid memory of Tom is of him standing
waist deep in the creek at Wilson College laughing and playing with the
kids. When I think back to this memory, I realize now that all the time I
thought he was standing, he was really floating, floating in the sea of
God's love, resting on the everlasting arms--and he still is.
_______________
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