Pedro* had been killed earlier in the afternoon, but it was 9 pm before we
saw the body. It was my first experience with a body that had been killed
by bullets, a body that was killed in anger or vengeance or out of cold
calculation, I don't know which. When we got there the community leaders
had already put the body in the back of a truck to take it to the family's
home. We took pictures of the body in case they were needed for evidence.

Pedro's daughter-in-law, Josephina, and grand-daughter, Maria, had also
been shot and had been taken to the hospital, about three hours away.
Josephina had been shot three times in her abdomen, Maria had been shot once
in the foot.

Before the women left for the hospital, they had identified the gunman, a
man from their community, and he was being held until the authorities
arrived. He was known to be associated with the local paramilitary
organization, but the motives for this attack were still unclear.

Our visit to this community wasn't because it was particularly dangerous or
that there were direct threats of violence. We had gone there to
investigate the disappearance of another man, Juan, almost 2 months earlier.
He had been arrested with 2 other people from the community and was released
to raise money to have the other 2 released. He was last seen walking
toward his community because he was refused bus fare.

Did Juan, who was over 70 years old, die of exhaustion on the long walk home
through the heat of the jungle? Or was he picked up by the military, police
or members of a paramilitary group? Is he still alive and being held
somewhere or was he killed weeks ago? No one really knows the answers to
these questions.

In Mexico, there are no laws for dealing with cases of "disappearances" like
Juan. Unless his body turns up, there will never be an investigation.
Throughout Latin America, such "disappearances" have been commonly used
during times of social unrest to get rid of people that are working for
social change.

I have been thinking about these two elderly men and the people that knew
them. What must it be like to have a grandfather, a husband, a father, a
member of your community killed in this way? But also, what must it be like
to have no idea what has happened to your grandfather, husband, neighbor?
When people are "disappeared," you don't know whether to grieve or to hope,
to wait expectantly or to say goodbye.

*Names have been changed.